Normal?

They say that men who treat their mothers well, also treat their wives well.  Don’t fall for it.   While it is true to an extent, be very weary of the mother/son relationship.  In my experience, men who put their mothers on a pedestal often don’t have room for a wife.  There is a HUGE difference between the mother/son relationship, and the husband/wife relationship.  Rest assured, some men don't understand the difference.  I know; I married one!  It’s a losing battle, and you won’t win.  You either resign yourself to accepting the relationship, or you run.  If you’re not on the same page as to what a normal mother/son relationship looks like, don’t even bother.  You can explain it until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t change his mind.  In my relationship, he came first, his mother second, friends third, and I was lucky to come in fourth.  In fact, I was dead last.  I’m pretty sure even laundry had a higher place on the totem pole than I did. 

Here are some scenarios I felt awfully uncomfortable with, but he couldn’t understand why they were wrong.  If you have some of your own, please share!

1. In Church, she would sit beside him and give him back and shoulder rubs.

2. At family events, she would make sure I knew she came first.  She would constantly hug and kiss him, and did everything possible to make me feel uncomfortable.

3. She would spend family holidays sharing stories about his childhood and their amazing relationship (mind you, she has 3 other children).

4. If he was with me, she would always find a way to get him into the other room or away from me.

5. If he made plans with me, instead of her, she would make him feel bad for “abandoning her.” And he would actually cancel plans with me to spend more time with her, even though they LIVED together. 

6. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt.

7. She would “kindly” insult me in front of everyone, and he would NEVER defend me.  He said I was an adult, and if I had a problem, I should take care of it myself.

8.  She would get jealous if we spent time with my family.

9.  She went away for two months before our wedding, only to return 2 days before.

10. She refused to buy a dress for the wedding with anyone except for her son (she wouldn’t even go with her daughter).

11. She refused to come see my wedding gown or ask about the wedding at all.  It made her happier to pretend it wasn’t actually happening. 

12.   She faked depression to make him feel bad and she would pretend to be sick to get more time alone with him. 

13.   She would carry a baby doll and claim it was her child, since now all hers were grown and she was all alone (She was never alone, that house was NEVER empty; I used to call it the halfway house for that very reason). 

14.   The list goes on, and on....