Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Second Chances

It’s almost been a year since my wedding, and the events that unraveled seem like watching someone else’s life.  Everything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  I remember thinking, “This can’t end well.”  I remember all the problems that arose and telling my then-fiancĂ©, “these are bad omens.”  He would laugh it off, and now I realize that’s because he was preparing to drop the biggest bomb of all.  I should have walked away then.  I should have trusted my feelings.  I think I always knew that he didn’t love me the way I loved him.  I think that’s why I asked him so many times if marriage is what he really wanted, if I was what he really wanted.  It’s not his fault I bought his lies and insincere words – it’s mine.  I should’ve known better than to trust his empty promises.  His actions spoke so much louder than his words, and when he failed to recognize the signs or address the real issue, I should have walked away.  I always gave him a second chance when he asked for one, but he never really deserved one.  He never took advantage or tried to make things right, he never even apologized.  It was always, “If you love me, you’ll forgive me.”  He never deserved a second chance; he didn’t even deserve the first one and he sure as hell never deserved me.

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