Buying your first home is an exciting moment, it’s a huge moment, and should be shared with someone special. For me, the moment, as many of the other major moments in my life, was not as exciting as it should have been. Really, it was one in a long line of disappointments to come.
I remember how excited I was to close on OUR first home. It was the first big step in what I thought would be the beginning of a great life together. I had it all planned out, and it was finally coming together. I called my then fiancée to make sure he wouldn’t be late, since as always, he was “traveling”. Much to my surprise, he came home early that morning, and promised to be on-time…but there was a catch. There was always a catch with him, and that catch was always his mother.
As most other important moments in our lives, he chose to celebrate them not with me, but with his mother. He came home early, they had a lovely lunch together to celebrate the occasion, and then they met me at the broker’s office to close on their…errr my….home. We signed the papers, me livid, he annoyed that I had the nerve to be upset about the surprise guest, and then went our separate ways. He spent the evening with her complaining how awful I was for wanting to share the moment with him, and not his mother, while I sat home alone feeling guilty, disappointed, and angry. He was more upset that his mother’s feelings were hurt, than mine. Her feelings always came first and I was always “irrational, immature, and mean.”
Hell, he was so angry that I upset his mother that he said he regretted buying a home with me in the first place and we should “return it.” It never actually occurred to him that it was our moment and she should have shared it together. After all, at 22, I didn’t bring my parents who were excitedly waiting at home with cake and champagne to celebrate with us.
I always knew he was a mama’s boy, but it wasn’t until then that I realized “our” moments would never really be ours. I would always come second, at best. His great life moments were always shared between the two of them, and I would always be on the outside looking in. He already had a wife, and I felt like the other woman. She would always be the center of his universe, and I didn’t stand a chance.
You may wonder why I didn’t just walk away, sometimes I do too. I always thought that as our relationship grew, I would become more important. I never wanted to replace her or hurt their relationship. I stupidly thought that he would realize the difference between a mother and a wife, but as our relationship continued and our wedding grew closer, the lines became increasingly blurred….