It’s occurred to me that my last few posts have wandered away from the wedding timeline. I suppose that’s because I’ve been too wrapped up in the present; so, let’s get back to the story. We rejoin my wedding misadventure at the bridal party debacle!
American tradition dictates that the bridal party is one of the most important parts of a wedding; it’s right up there with the guest list. In my culture, there is no bridal party - similar to English tradition, only children precede the bride up the aisle. So when it came time to choose a bridal party, I didn’t really feel the need to have one. I, of course, lost this battle…like most battles. My future ex-husband absolutely had to have one, so I agreed. A small price to pay, right? Wrong, AGAIN. It was more drama than I care to remember, and yet so fitting given the outcome of that entire experience.
Mr. Wrong chose his groomsmen, and I chose my girls. Together, we chose the remaining important figures – ring bearer, flower girl, and readers. It was, what I thought, the perfect balance between his family and mine. Both sides were equally represented and everyone was included in some way throughout the ceremony -- vital mistake. I forgot that for my future ex, his family was twice as important as mine and therefore, the equation was not truly balanced. I had too many people in the wedding party, at least that’s what his mother convinced him. And so, she proceeded to remove all of my family members from the wedding party and replace them with her own. She all but removed me from the bridal party…I think that was probably her goal!
She replaced my flower girl for her granddaughter, who was literally taller than me! My 8 year-old ring bearer was replaced by her 13 year-old grandson, the height of my 6’ tall groom. The readers we had both chosen were also replaced, and of course she changed the processional to include her walk down with aisle MY husband. I tried to politely explain that WE had already made our decisions and invited each person to participate in the wedding and it was too late to change. Did she care? NOPE. Instead she insisted that it wasn’t that big a deal, and that I should just by her granddaughter a dress, flowers, etc. and surrender. To make matters worse, she had already told her granddaughter that she would be the flower girl, only to make me feel like a bigger b****. Did Mr. Wrong care or interject at any point? NOPE. Why? He would rather upset me than his mother. He insisted she should have what she wanted. I should’ve just walked away and let them have their dream wedding without me. Now I realize it’s what they wanted all along, but I didn’t. I stayed and fought, convinced that good relationships are about compromise. I compromised a lot, mostly myself, for someone that never seemed to understand it’s not a compromise if I’m the only one constantly making them. In the end, I claimed the victory for this battle, but I most definitely lost the war.
Bad Decision – 1, Mr. Wrong – 200.