Time to Let Go and Move On

All things eventually come to an end, not just the bad ones.  And so does this story. 

Earthquakes weren’t the only natural disaster standing in the way of my wedding.  The night of my bachelorette party was a literal washout.  Yes, a tropical storm blew through that evening, cancelling my bachelorette party and flooding my house.  I know what you’re thinking…an earthquake, a hurricane…what else could possibly go wrong?  The funny part is, that’s not where the trouble ended at all, it’s where it started.  The biggest natural disaster of all was the groom himself. 

A week later, just days before the wedding, started as a really exciting day.  It was my rescheduled bachelorette party and we were all excited for the wedding, only 2 days away.  After 2.5 years, it was finally here.  Mr. Wrong decided that since I was having my first, and only, bachelorette party, he was entitled to another one.  It turns out his solo trip to that tropical island only one month prior wasn’t enough; he needed one at home too.  I remember asking him not to, telling him I had a bad feeling, but SURPRISE, he didn’t care.  And so he went, and I did too.  I wouldn’t hear from him again until the next afternoon, hours after he was supposed to pick me up for our rehearsal.  He was nowhere to be found. 

As my family and I scrambled to decide what to do next, since my wedding venue was hours away from home, I decided to check my voicemail.  There it was – 1 missed call.  I didn’t recognize the number, how would I though?  I don’t normally receive calls from the city jail.  And that is where the story should have ended, but it didn’t. 

Mr. Wrong had been arrested the night before, for reasons I’m still not sure of, in the classiest part of town.  No one bothered to call me, not a friend, no one.  Instead, his friends and family left him in jail, and traveled to the wedding venue.  My family, complete strangers to him, all went down to central booking to bail out my soon-to-be-groom.  They literally traveled 7,000 miles to bail him out of jail, how horrifying and embarrassing.  Words simply can’t do it justice.  Where was his family you might ask?  They were in a party bus on their way to the venue.  As his brother told me, “Please don’t tell my mother, we don’t want to ruin her day.”  Glad we got that cleared up!  Here I thought it was MY day.  Well, she did eventually find out, and she wasn’t upset at all, but the rest of his family never knew…well until now, that is.

Anyway, why everyone thought to travel to the wedding venue with the groom in jail is beyond me, then again, I bailed him out of jail hours before our wedding day and married him.  I suppose neither were good ideas.  I married him because I loved him, and I married him because I believe that sometimes people make mistakes and deserve second chances.  So, like he told me later that night at the hotel, “If you love me, you’ll forgive me.”  And I did.  It wasn’t the wedding day I imagined, and certainly nothing I had planned, but we made the best of it.  The wedding went on flawlessly.  Sounds like a happy ending right?  Wrong again!

Seven months after I bailed him out of jail and we got married, on Easter no less, he walked out and never came back.  And that is where that story ends, but not mine.  This is just one short, dramatic, and horrible chapter, but it’s not the end for me, it’s the beginning.  I’m not quite sure what it’s the beginning of, but here’s to hoping!   

AND….that’s all she wrote!!

P.S. Thank you for reading my blog.  I wish you all well, and a pleasant walk down whatever aisle you choose!

Earthquake

Continuing with the trend of bad omens.....

The picture above references the MD/VA earthquake that occurred on August 23, 2011 at 1:51pm, otherwise known as right in the middle of work bridal shower. 

Though it was a seemingly harmless little earthquake, its meaning was quite impactful.  If you're from the U.S. East Coast you know how rare these events are in our part of the country.  If you're from the West Coast, please continue laughing. 

Earthquakes literally NEVER happen in our region, and I emphasize the word NEVER.  But, it did happen on this day.  Why?  Scientists have their complex explanations, and I have mine.  It's pretty darn simple - it was my bridal shower, that's why.  The universe was trying to tell me not to do it!  The earth physically moved, as if to say, "Don't do it!!"  Did I listen?  No!  Apparently, I'm that dense; not even the earth shifting could stop me, though I do remember looking at everyone in my department and saying, "Well, if this isn't a sign I don't know what is."  Just to confirm -- I was right! 

So, the lesson to learn here is -- if the earth literally shakes at the thought of you getting married, maybe you should reconsider (unless you're from the west coast, then keep on walking up that aisle)!  

P.S. I know I said I don't believe in signs, but this is an exception to the rule :)

Murphy's Law

Some people believe in omens, the evil eye, and so many other superstitions.  I think I did too, until now.  The truth is, there are signs around us all the time, and we interpret them to suit our own needs or feelings at the time. 

The theme of my wedding, and the summer that preceded it, was Murphy’s Law. Everything that could possibly go wrong did go wrong.  There were signs everywhere telling me something wasn’t quite right.  I’m an event planner; I know things go wrong, so I shrugged it aside.  I let myself believe others when they told me, “These things happen to everyone, it’s not a sign.”  Maybe they were right, maybe it wasn’t a sign.  Maybe it was me interpreting these normal calamities as bad omens because somewhere I knew something wasn’t right.  At the time, I didn’t know what was really wrong. Every relationship requires a leap of faith and trust in the other individual involved.  I realize now there’s nothing I could have done to get him to admit the truth.  You can’t make someone be honest with you if they can’t be honest with themselves first.  I didn’t know the truth then, and I don’t really know it now, but it doesn’t much matter anymore. 

Here are just a few of the signs I interpreted as bad omen or bad luck, but in reality, it’s just life.  You apply whatever meaning you want to “signs.”  Sometimes you hit the mark, and sometimes the dart hits the wall.  The point is, don’t be alarmed if any of these happen to you as you plan your wedding….they’re really not bad omens; they’re just part of a good story now :)

1. My dress came in the wrong size….though the bridal shop insisted I had simply “gained weight”....well, after one week of not eating after surgery guess who proved them wrong!
2. My veil arrived in the wrong color and style.
3. My dress was tightened instead and busted at the seams two weeks before my wedding.
4. The wedding planner quit 3 months before the wedding and moved to another state (he must've seen the signs too, lol)
5. The rings were incorrectly inscribed.
6. My engagement ring broke.
7. My MOH…..well she’s another story.

You’ll have to keep reading for the remaining signs!  Yes, these are just the small details.  There’s much more to this story than these seemingly meaningless mishaps that are mere mole hills compared to the mountain I was about to crash into...I know, I'm a tease!

**Note: Signs 1-3 can be attributed to a crappy dress shop I will not mention….but their initials are BR :)

A few examples of Murphy's Law: (images courtesy of Pinterest)

The Hangover Part III

Though I haven't quite gotten to this point in the story yet, I can't quite help but remember what this weekend means.  Just a little teaser of what lies ahead...

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone! 

It's Not Me, It's You

Relationship advice is full of contradictions.  Some relationship articles will tell you that failing to take responsibility for one’s actions is a huge red flag.  Meanwhile, turn the page and the next article explains that no one is perfect, and relationships are a constant work in progress, so stand by your man.  With so many contradictory pieces of advice, it’s hard to know which to believe.  I believe there is a saying for every situation, and that is the most confusing part about choosing which advice to take.  Unfortunately, this means we often have to live through situations in order to look back and decide which advice we should’ve taken.    

Example: A few months before the wedding, Mr. Wrong dropped our brand new couch off a truck and onto moving traffic on the highway (yes, this is a true story).

My response: Seriously?!  You seriously dropped my couch on the highway? Why would you pick up a couch on an open-bed truck and NOT properly secure it.  No, really? WHY?!

His response: I can’t believe you’re angry, you should be thankful I’m ok!

Me: Clearly you’re ok, you’re on the phone talking to me… unlike my couch scattered all over the highway!! Why?  Because he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention or take the 5 extra minutes (or $20 extra dollars) to secure the couch when he could be out playing sports instead... and because he ignored my advice to have it delivered.

The problem with this scenario, and so many others, is that he never took responsibility for his actions.  It was always someone else’s fault; his actions were merely a reaction to MY actions, and so on.  He never sad, "I was wrong, I’m sorry", or "that was mean, I’m sorry for saying that".  No, it was always I said this because you said this first.  Oh, ok, we’re in the first grade, I forgot.  No matter what the situation, it was always my fault HE messed up, and to make matters worse he never failed to make me feel guilty for how I felt.  Yes, perhaps I should have been thankful, but maybe he could have been CAREFUL too.   

The problem with men that don’t take responsibility for their actions is that they’re usually also manipulative and immature.  If you find yourself in this situation, forget every piece of relationship advice you’ve ever heard.  It will lead you nowhere, I promise.  Don’t stand by your man, or any of that other crap.  Yes, relationships are hard work and no one is perfect, but take it from someone who’s been there – If he can’t take responsibility for his actions, you’re in this relationship alone…and it does take two to tango (see, like I said, there's a saying for every situation).    

Wisdom…or Lack Thereof!

As wedding planning continued, my life plan continued to wander off course.  It wasn’t a major distraction, but a little unexpected bump in the road when I already had one million things going on – school, work, wedding planning, etc…. Nevertheless, one week before starting my new job and a few short months before the wedding, I finally had my wisdom teeth removed.  It wasn’t the most convenient timing, but I remember the surgeon saying, “It's better to do it now, than to have this ruin your wedding day or honeymoon.”  Not being able to stand the thought that something could potentially ruin my big day, I went for it.  “Nothing is going to stand it my way”, I thought, “Take them out now!!”  …And with my teeth, whatever wisdom they carried was removed too. 

I wish I had the foresight to tell my doctor that my teeth weren’t the cause of my disastrous wedding day, far from it!  I would’ve gladly dealt with that pain, in comparison to the blow I actually received.  Despite all my efforts to prevent the perfect storm, I couldn’t.  I removed every foreseeable caution, including a few annoying teeth, but I had no clue that would prove to be the least of my worries.  In hindsight, I realize, there were signs during the experience that should’ve predicted our future.  But, who am I kidding?  I was too doped up to notice that my fiancée didn’t bother to visit me the whole week I was home recovering.  I should have, but I didn’t. 

Goodbye teeth….goodbye wisdom….hello bad decision and poor judgment! 

The Wedding Party

It’s occurred to me that my last few posts have wandered away from the wedding timeline.  I suppose that’s because I’ve been too wrapped up in the present; so, let’s get back to the story.  We rejoin my wedding misadventure at the bridal party debacle! 

American tradition dictates that the bridal party is one of the most important parts of a wedding; it’s right up there with the guest list.  In my culture, there is no bridal party - similar to English tradition, only children precede the bride up the aisle.  So when it came time to choose a bridal party, I didn’t really feel the need to have one.  I, of course, lost this battle…like most battles.  My future ex-husband absolutely had to have one, so I agreed.  A small price to pay, right?  Wrong, AGAIN.  It was more drama than I care to remember, and yet so fitting given the outcome of that entire experience. 

Mr. Wrong chose his groomsmen, and I chose my girls.  Together, we chose the remaining important figures – ring bearer, flower girl, and readers.  It was, what I thought, the perfect balance between his family and mine.  Both sides were equally represented and everyone was included in some way throughout the ceremony -- vital mistake.  I forgot that for my future ex, his family was twice as important as mine and therefore, the equation was not truly balanced.  I had too many people in the wedding party, at least that’s what his mother convinced him.  And so, she proceeded to remove all of my family members from the wedding party and replace them with her own.  She all but removed me from the bridal party…I think that was probably her goal!

She replaced my flower girl for her granddaughter, who was literally taller than me!  My 8 year-old ring bearer was replaced by her 13 year-old grandson, the height of my 6’ tall groom.  The readers we had both chosen were also replaced, and of course she changed the processional to include her walk down with aisle MY husband.  I tried to politely explain that WE had already made our decisions and invited each person to participate in the wedding and it was too late to change.  Did she care?  NOPE.  Instead she insisted that it wasn’t that big a deal, and that I should just by her granddaughter a dress, flowers, etc. and surrender.  To make matters worse, she had already told her granddaughter that she would be the flower girl, only to make me feel like a bigger b****.  Did Mr. Wrong care or interject at any point?  NOPE.  Why?  He would rather upset me than his mother.  He insisted she should have what she wanted.  I should’ve just walked away and let them have their dream wedding without me.  Now I realize it’s what they wanted all along, but I didn’t.  I stayed and fought, convinced that good relationships are about compromise.  I compromised a lot, mostly myself, for someone that never seemed to understand it’s not a compromise if I’m the only one constantly making them.  In the end, I claimed the victory for this battle, but I most definitely lost the war. 

Bad Decision – 1, Mr. Wrong – 200.